That explains it...

The following piece is stolen directly from the always entertaining and educational blog In the Pink Texas. Basically, I'm screwed...

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

I think it’s fair to say that the race is all but over. Latest WSJ/NBC/Burka poll shows Obama ahead by 10 points. Which means, we can finally get back to the important issues such as caffeine-deflated breasts.

Apparently there’s a new scientific study out linking coffee intake to breast size. Why 15 different people (not counting Mr. PL) felt compelled to send me this story, I have no idea. (And if I send you all a link confirming the link between beer guzzling and penis shrinkage, you know, don’t take it personally.)

The researchers found that drinking just three cups of coffee a day can make women’s breasts shrink. They also discovered that working at Starbucks for over three months takes away all capacity to spell even the simplest of names.

The study was conducted through surveys of 300 women concerning bust measurements and how much coffee they drank in an average day. Three cups was enough to turn those mountains into molehills, with the effects increasing for every cup drunk. There’s actually A GENE which links breast size to coffee intake. Oh, sure, AS IF MY GENES WEREN’T BAD ENOUGH.

“Drinking coffee can have a major effect on breast size,” said researcher Helena Jernstroem. “Coffee-drinking women do not have to worry their breasts will shrink to nothing overnight. They will get smaller, but the breasts aren’t just going to disappear.”

Throughout my formative years, I drank gallons of Coke a day, mostly in the hopes of stunting my growth completely in order to remain a climber in cheerleading routines. Did that have anything to do with my, ahem, somewhat modest bustline? Well, let’s face it. There are enough big boobs to go around.

OMG!